


Toblerones and Epilogues

by mozaikmage



Category: Haikyuu!!, Homestuck
Genre: Gen, manga compliant-ish, slightly shippy gen, t for swearing sorry, they. they read homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22484902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozaikmage/pseuds/mozaikmage
Summary: Tsukishima Kei has read Homestuck.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou & Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	Toblerones and Epilogues

**Author's Note:**

> "haha what if some haikyuu characters read homestuck" + "haha what if hussie hid some toblerones in tokyo in addition to south korea and taiwan" = I suddenly couldn't do anything else until I got this out of my system. unbetaed because I didn't want to make anyone else look at this if they didn't choose to of their own free will  
> also unfortunate consequence of [this](https://twitter.com/mozaikmage/status/1218679367775203335?s=20)

The three hour train ride is long enough to make Kei reconsider his impulse decision, but he’s spent most of his savings on it already, so he might as well get what he came for. The Twitter hashtag is being constantly updated; apparently a girl named Chie got there first and is hanging out in the cafe to make sure nobody vandalizes it or takes the whole box of gifts for themselves. A few people have posted selfies with their Toblerone chocolates and original sketch cards, which makes Kei’s heart beat a little faster in anticipation.

Because despite his best efforts, Tsukishima Kei never did manage to fully let go of Homestuck, the weird webcomic he read in one week several years back.

He gets off the train and pulls up the map with the coordinates of the cafe punched in. It’s near Tokyo station, conveniently enough, but Kei wouldn’t exactly call himself familiar with the area. He steps into the shadow of a convenience store’s awning to study his map when he hears a terrible voice hauntingly close to his ear say, “Well, well, well.”

Kei freezes. What the fuck. Like what the actual fuck. 

He turns his head a fraction of a millimeter and there it is: Tendou Satori’s unwelcome face, grinning at him smugly.

“...Why are you here,” is what Kei ends up saying.

“That’s an interesting question, Glasses-kun! But I think a more interesting question would be, why are  _ you  _ here?” Tendou tilts his head and grins at Kei in a supremely uncomfortable way. Why is he standing so close. Kei did not fucking ask for this.

“I’m... visiting someone,” Kei answers hesitantly. Not completely untrue, he was considering messaging Akaashi from Fukurodani later and maybe meeting up. “Now please answer the question, Tendou-san.”

“I guess I have to, since you answered mine,” Tendou sighs, like it’s a huge inconvenience for him. “You see, the author of a comic I’m a big fan of left a present at this cafe...”

The rest of whatever he says fades away in Kei’s ears as he just thinks, “No way, not possible, this is too much of a coincidence, no no no no no” in an endless, frantic loop. He doesn’t notice, then, when Tendou stops talking and scrutinizes his expression.

“Hey, Glasses-kun, are you by any chance... a Homestuck fan?”

Kei stands perfectly still, trying his best to keep his face as blank as possible. “I know you know my name, Tendou-san.”

“Glasses-kun is more fun to say than Tsukishima.” He grins. “Also, protip, it’s more believable if you pretend to be a little confused, instead of just going totally blank.” 

Tendou slaps Kei on the back, pushing him into the sunlight. “Let’s go, Glasses-kun! Your Toblerone is just an eight minute walk away!”

I did not sign up for this, Kei thinks in vain as his feet propel him forwards regardless.

The eight minutes it takes to get to the Clover Cafe is the greatest strain on Kei’s patience since his first attempt at studying with Kageyama and Hinata. He tries his best to ignore Tendou, but Tendou’s voice is like a drill slowly boring directly into his brain. Despite his efforts, Kei learns all about how Tendou got into Homestuck in the first place, what his troll name, blood color, and classpects would be, what his chathandle would be, and how he thinks Oikawa from Seijoh “spades” Ushijima from Shiratorizawa.

“Please stop talking,” Kei says, for the tenth time. 

“Did you ship Davekat before it was endgame?” Tendou says, ignoring Kei yet again.

The cafe is tiny and modern, with a clear glass front wall letting them see inside. There are a few people in Homestuck cosplay sitting at a table and chatting, the remaining drawings and chocolate bars fanned out across the tabletop. There are also some people in casual clothes mingling with the cosplayers, and that’s when Kei’s heart finally gives out because he’d recognize that disaster of a hairstyle anywhere.

Kuroo Tetsurou and Kozume Kenma are standing next to the table, Kenma holding a Toblerone and a sketch card, Kuroo using Kenma’s shoulder as an arm rest. Akaashi is talking to them, also holding a sketch card and looking somewhat annoyed.

Kei turns around and says, “Nope, never mind, I can’t do this.”

“Aw, come on, Glasses-kun, we’ve come so far,” Tendou wheedles, putting both hands on Kei’s shoulders and boldly steering him through the double doors. 

“Who said you could touch me,” Kei protests, but this is as effective as any of his previous protestations. Which is to say, not at all. He stumbles to a stop in front of the Homestuck table, feeling like he’s on the verge of a heart attack.

“We’re here!” Tendou singsongs, finally releasing Kei.

“Huh. Tsukishima,” Akaashi says mildly, raising his eyebrows a tiny bit. Kozume nods in recognition.

Kuroo chokes on his drink and sputters, making Kozume snicker. “Tsukki! I gotta say, really didn’t expect to see you here.” He waves enthusiastically with his free hand. Kei then notices that under his Nekoma jacket, Kuroo is wearing a Nepeta t-shirt. Because of course he is. He’s not even a Leo, Kei’s pretty sure.

“Ah. Yeah.” Kei regrets everything in his life that has led to this moment.

Kei scans the few remaining sketch cards on the table. There was a single Toblerone left, but he hasn’t really been keeping up with the video game developments or the Epilogue stuff so he doesn't really want to have Hussie grant his wishes. He grabs a drawing of Kanaya and says “thank you” to Chie from Twitter who’s been there since the cafe opened that morning, and attempts to make his escape.

Kuroo steps in front of the door, blocking it. “Tsukki, wait! We haven’t even caught up yet. How have you been? How’s life? When were you going to tell me you’re a secret Homestuck fan?”

“Good, fine, and never. Please let me leave.” He never should’ve read this stupid webcomic to begin with. 

“Is Kanaya your favorite character?” Akaashi asks, noticing the drawing Kei picked up. 

Tendou sighs dramatically and says, “This one never wants to tell anyone anything!”

Kei looks up at the low ceiling of the cafe.“This is the worst hell imaginable.”

“Act 6, intermission 2,” Kenma says with a nod. He’s wearing a black mask over his mouth and a Space sweatshirt, his hair tied back. From the way the other nerds keep sneaking disbelieving looks at him, minor internet celebrity Kodzuken is not completely unrecognizable.

"Kenma's the one who dragged me here, actually," Kuroo tells Kei in a stage whisper. "He's a pretty big fan."

"Shut up," Kenma whispers.

Kei adjusts his glasses and tries to look stern. He's not sure if it works. “Tendou-san, we’re not friends. Please stop acting like we are.”

“Your words, they cut like knives,” Tendou says, although it sounds like he’s holding back laughter. 

“Oof, brutal,” Kuroo comments. Kei glares at him too, and at Akaashi and Kenma for good measure. They’re more used to it than Tendou is, though, and don’t react.

Kuroo continues, stepping forward and shrugging off his hoodie so the olive Leo symbol is fully visible. “Tsukki,” he says, in an ominous singsong that pulls a repressed memory out of Kei’s hindbrain, “Would you like to talk about Homestuck?”

Kei has no idea what his face is doing right now, but he’s sure it’s deeply embarrassing. Everyone else in the cafe is watching this drama play out, Chie from Twitter seeming uncertain as to whether or not she needs to step in and break up a fight, and as he’s about to say “I very much do not,” Kei realizes that... he does, unfortunately, want to talk about Homestuck. About the effect it’s had on him, how he thinks about stories, how he spends his spare time. He wouldn’t have come all this way if he didn’t. 

Yamaguchi’s read most of it, but stopped keeping up partway through Act 6, and he was never really into it the way Kei was. So Kei’s never talked about Homestuck out loud before, not in detail.

Even though it feels like the terrible middle blocker upperclassmen are mocking him, at least some part of their morally bankrupt souls might genuinely want to talk about it too.

Kei adjusts his glasses again and says, reluctantly, “I like Kanaya, yeah.” He takes a tiny step away from the door. “I haven’t read the epilogues or anything after that yet.”

“Me neither,” a girl in an elaborate dog tier Jade cosplay chimes in. “My English is alright, but they’re so long, and I haven’t seen anyone translate them to Japanese yet.”

“I helped translate some of the original Homestuck into Japanese,” a guy who’d faded into the background suddenly speaks up. “I could try translating the epilogues...”

The conversation relaxes into a discussion of the difficulty of transcribing quirks and curse words, and how Kuroo aced an English vocabulary test once because the word “abscond” was on it.

Kei ends up hanging out there for a lot longer than he anticipated, not really talking so much as listening to other people talk around him, until Akaashi mentions that he and the other volleyball players who’d ended up here were going to grab dinner somewhere and would Tsukishima like to join.

“Uh.” Was it dinner time already? Kei checks his phone and sees 4 missed calls from his mother. Whoops. “Let me check the train schedule first, I wasn’t planning to stay overnight...”

Tendou and Kuroo had hit it off well and exchanged contact info almost immediately, much to Kei’s dismay. They end up in a noodle shop inside the train station, since both Tendou and Kei need to go back to Miyagi. 

“I’m glad we ran into each other like this, Tsukki,” Kuroo says, elbowing Kei in the ribs as they sit down at the counter. “Who would’ve thought that you had a secret Homestuck side to you?”

“... It was nice to see you all again too, I guess,” Kei concedes. “Except Tendou-san.”

“So rude, Tsukki, so rude!” Tendou tsks.

“Please don’t call me that either, Tendou-san.”

They slurp their noodles in content silence for a bit.

Tendou stabs the egg in his ramen with a chopstick. “So, Tsukishima. You never answered me earlier. Did you ship Davekat?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry


End file.
